October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

30 Oct

Abuse, Domestic Violence, Dating Violence

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and here are some things you should know about domestic violence:

Statistics:

Signs you are in an abusive situation:

Does your partner:

  • Humiliate you
  • Yell at you
  • Criticize you
  • Treat you in a way that you are embarrassed for others to see
  • Ignore/insult your accomplishments
  • Blame you for their behavior
  • Treat you as property
  • Act jealous or possessive
  • Control your actions
  • Isolate you
  • Limit your access to resources
  • Constantly or excessively check up on you
  • Have an unpredictable temper
  • Hurt or threaten you
  • Threaten self harm
  • Force/coerce you to engage in sexual activity
  • Destroy your belongings
  • Act entitled to special treatment, including abusive behavior
  • Act superior of you/belittle you

Do you feel:

  • Afraid of your partner
  • The need to avoid topics that may set them off
  • Like you cannot do anything right with your partner
  • Believe you deserve to be hurt/mistreated
  • Wonder if you are the one over reacting
  • Emotionally numb/helpless

If you are gay, bisexual, transgender, does your partner:

  • Threaten to out you
  • Tell you authorities will not help someone in the LGBT community
  • Tell you that leaving will be admitting you orientation/identification is deviant
  • Justify abuse by challenging you orientation/identity
  • For men: Says that men are “naturally violent.”

Know the cycle of abuse:

  • Tension builds
  • Incident
  • Make-up
  • Calm
  • Repeat

Signs of an abusive situation from an outside perspective:

Is your loved one being abused? Do they have:

  • Injuries
  • Absence from work, school or get togethers
  • Low self esteem
  • Sudden personality changes
  • Fear of conflict
  • Blame on others or self
  • Aggression
  • Apologetic of bad behavior by partners
  • Isolation and withdrawal
  • Unhealthy coping mechanisms

Is someone you know abusing someone? Do they:

  • Put down their partner or act superior
  • Dominateconversation
  • Attempt to isolate their partner
  • Check up on partner excessively
  • Act rough with partner in public, hit or slap partner in private
  • Make threats
  • Minimize problematic/violent behavior
  • Display no regard for law/authority
  • A history of abuse, including drug abuse
  • Display jealousy

How to get out of an abusive situation:

  • Recognize what is going on at home: does your partner display any of the signs of abuse, do you display any signs of someone who is being abused
  • Tell someone you can trust and will take action
  • Prepare: Find a safe space to hide money and belongings
  • Cover your tracks: Delete internet and call history
  • Find a safe place to leave to
  • If you can: Report the abuse and file a restraining order

How to help a loved one out of an abusive situation:

  • Talk to them and assure a safe space to open up and confide
  • Be direct with your suspicions and worries
  • NEVER judge the victim
  • ALWAYS believe the victim
  • Do not “tell” them to leave or criticize them for staying with an abusive partner
  • Support them and build self confidence
  • Help them break away from isolation
  • Encourage them to talk to others, including professionals
  • Offer resources

 

Coping with domestic violence:

Typical aftermath of domestic violence:

  • Denial
  • Minimization
  • Nightmares
  • Shock
  • And more

 

Resources for coping and dealing with domestic violence:

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