Oh, the game of love.

15 Dec

Let’s be real here.

We’re in college now. We’re all adults. It’s time to grow up. It’s time to stop being stupid. It’s time to ditch all those guilty-pleasure, self-destructive habits. Why do we do this to ourselves? Especially us women. Why do we settle for these things that we think we need to make our lives complete? Why do we have this mindset of, “If I don’t get just a little more  _____(insert addiction here)_____, I’m going to DIE!” Newsflash… No. No you’re not going to die. There are hundreds of different kinds of things that we try to use to fill this void, but I’m focusing on one in particular right now because it’s what’s on my mind.

THE OPPOSITE SEX. It’s what’s on all of our minds, isn’t it? Here we are on this quest for “the one”, the perfect guy who will fulfill all of our expectations and all of our needs, and we’ll meet him and fall in love and he’ll be a complete gentleman and do all of those cute things like carve your initials in a tree and lay in a field on a blanket stargazing.. And then one day he’ll propose and you’ll have the most beautiful wedding you could have ever dreamed of, and the two of you will live happily ever after and nothing else will matter in life because you are just so in love that you can handle anything. “Love conquers all,” right? I mean, are you with me here girls? Isn’t this the kind of thing that has been engraved into our minds since we were little kids? It’s a great dream, and I do believe true love exists out there. And love CAN be a fairy tale. But what happens when our expectations are TOO high? We all learned from every Disney movie exactly how love works. We were taught to reach for the stars, and never lower. Don’t settle. Don’t take less than you deserve. Are these all valid and valuable lessons? Definitely. But sometimes I believe that there are girls who sit around forever waiting for this perfect guy who just doesn’t exist. We’re all human; guys too. Make that, guys ESPECIALLY! Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. You know that quote, “No guy is worth your tears, and the one who is will never make you cry”? FALSE. The right guy WILL probably make you cry eventually. Why? Because he’s human. We have all been hurt by someone we love. Just like you have (probably more than once) let down someone you love as well. It happens. It’s how you deal with it and the steps you take to fix it that truly counts. It’s stupid things like this that frustrate me, girls running around complaining that they will never find this perfect guy, because they hold standards for their future partner that they themselves could never even come close to living up to.

Anyways, that is the complete OPPOSITE direction I had originally been thinking on. But it kind of emphasizes my point. Girls, just like there is no perfect guy out there, you also have to realize there is no perfect girl. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to fall short sometimes. Stop beating yourself up. Just like you have to hold your partner to realistic standards, don’t hold yourself to unattainable standards either. Because in the end you’ll still never be perfect, you’ll probably be alone, and you are going to feel like shit. Be the best woman you can be. Work hard, stay classy, respect yourself. It’s ok to strive for perfection, but please do not be disappointed by the fact that you will never reach it. (Because you won’t.)

And here’s another thing– STOP trying to be perfect for someone that you are clearly not meant to be with. If you have to change who you are to get a guy to like you, then I promise you he is not the guy for you. You will never ever feel 100% happy or fulfilled in that relationship. If you are constantly finding yourself feeling inadequate, or like you will never measure up, then you need to re-evaluate what you see in this guy in the first place. I say this because I have been there (I am there ha), and I have seen tons of friends go through the same thing. You meet this guy, he seems amazing, you like everything about him, but things just don’t click. If you were a guy… you’d move on to the next girl. But no, we’re wired differently. Once you meet a guy who seems to fit all the criteria that you came up with in your head years ago (probably based off some Disney movie prince), it’s hard to accept the fact that he STILL may not be the right one. Let it go. You are only going to hurt yourself, trying and trying to be someone that you’re not in order to be what he wants. Does that mean there is anything wrong with you? No. You just aren’t meant for each other. I once told a good friend of mine, “If you were happy with the wrong one, just think how happy you’ll be with the right one.” and it’s SO true. The guy that’s out there for you is going to be one that you can be yourself around without giving it a second thought. You should never have to be conscious of whether or not you are acting like yourself around your partner. If you have to change who you are in any way… I promise you, there’s someone better out there. Period. Anyways this is getting really long. And like I said, this is just me thinking out loud. Considering that I haven’t been talking much over the last couple days because it is excruciatingly painful to move my mouth (you probably don’t know what I’m talking about… OH! I’ll blog about that next!).. this is my outlet. Happy Thursday.


One Response to “Oh, the game of love.”

  1. Jini December 15, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

    Ideally, I would say: “When you want it the most there’s no easy way out, When you’re ready to go and your heart’s left in doubt, Don’t give up on your faith, Love comes to those who believe it, And that’s the way it is”
    But, I know that believing it all the time is not necessarily easy or right. We are a species to behold and we complicate things more than they should be complicated. We try try try and we try so hard….to let it all fall apart at the drop of a hat….what we need to realize is that, hats will drop, we just need to walk over them.

    You just drew the curtains away from the fairy-tale love story. Truth is you are right. And as much as it pains to accept our faults and the fact that the right guy and the right girl will take a while to be found, it is probably for the best if we decide to remember that – “But it’s plain to see, if you stick together, You’re gonna find a way, yeah.”

    (that song is stuck in my head!!! – how convenient)

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